First Love Letter

Eunmi.. How can i say this.. I've been wanting to do all of these for quite awhile but the problem is, the time is always not right & i'm really shy towards you. I don't know why but i never expected this feeling towards you, it just came so suddenly without having any idea why, but i can tell you one thing is that i know my feelings are real and deep, i cant keep this to myself forever, so no matter what your choice is, i still have to let it out as keeping things to yourself is really bad.. Maybe you may already have someone in mind, so you will feel that you're being disturbed, annoyed or irritated everytime i approched you, if you do, then i am really sorry, i did try not do it so often, but sometimes i really cant help it, i apologize once more for unable to control myself. To tell you the truth, i concerned about you alot everytime you said that you're sad, maybe you dont realized it but i worried about you all the time. Sometimes, i will ask you questions about your personal life, i really wish that i could understand you more so that i could help, to make you feel calm, happy or sometimes to cheer you up.. Everytime when i have problems, sadness, good news or bad news, the first person that i thought to share it is you, maybe is because i want you to concern more about me or feel happy for me, i really trust you so normally i would tell you alot about myself.. In the night, i would think of you alot before i fall asleep, i really miss you and was hoping to see you quickly the next day, sometimes when i asked how are you or what are you doing, it also means that i miss you, wanting to know were you busy or not so wishing that you could spend time to chat with me. At school, i wont talk to you that much like i did in messages, the reason is i'm really shy and sometimes you dont really reply me in the way like you did in messages, i would misunderstand all the time, thinking that you might be angry at me or something, making me feel so worried and sad all the time. I felt really pityful for you and i sympathize you alot, before i knew you, i thought that my life was the worst, so hopeless, unmeaningful, so bad to thought that god was so unfair to me and all. But when you told me about your life, i started to think that my life is so much better comparing with yours, my problems are not that important anymore, the most important task is to make your life better, i tried to finish my homework early so that i could help you on yours, i tried to cheer you up by giving you chocolate and i want to make friends with your brother to help him in a way to make your life easier. Maybe i am not the guy that you always wanted but at least letting you know all of these could make me feel better and relieved.. I have already said what i have to say, just to give you an idea on how i feel about you and i wish to thank you for taking your time out with me, i'm really happy for that and i appreciate it alot, i did all of these is because i love you Jo Eunmi :)

The Unsend

Eunmi, I really don't know what's happening to me right now.. Life is so different without you around.. I will keep the promise to be fine which I've made. I tried to put a smile on my face whenever I can because I don't want you to worry and blame yourself for everything. Eunmi, it's never your fault to make a decision that you think is best for yourself, this is your life, nobody can really take control of it except for yourself. There are aot of things that I want to do and say to you actually, but my chances to do that are all over, if I have one last day to live, I would give anything to spend my last moments with you. I just want you to know that I was not angry at you, I never did and never will be. No matter what decision you have made, I will always support you with my heart if that's what you really wanted. I wish that you could live a better life without me around, I can no longer look after you in life but I will pray and bless you in a way that I can. I want you to move on in life with no regrets, be confident and always have faith in yourself, life might knock you down sometimes but you have to be strong enough to stand back up, you can do anything if you're not afraid. Lastly, I wish you every happiness in life, hope that you'll find what you're looking for, and I thank you once more for being in my life, I'm sorry for everything, goodbye and farewell Jo Eunmi.

Written on ?? June 2012

L O V E

The reason I loved is not because how you are on the outside. No matter how attractive & pretty you are, you are no different from other any girls out there. It is because I can see something special within you, therefore, you possess the true beauty that i seek. If leaving you is what makes you really happy, i would be glad to do it just for you as it would be the best choice.

No Existence

No matter how much you love, sacrifice and care for her, she will never ever realize all of that and she certainly will not give a shit about you.

False Hope

June 13, Wednesday, working on assignments in school at late night, found out that the angel that I always thought she was, was actually something else, far more than i could ever imagine, but still it was true.

I Am Sorry If I Think Too Much . . .

Miss you ♥

Recently, I started to realize that I’d changed. I didn’t really know the reason why but my personality became so soft and patient, unlike the way I was before. When I stared at you, I could hardly explain the feeling that I was having, I thanked god for bringing such a beautiful soul into my world. When you’re beside me, I could feel the softness and fragility in your heart, in the same time, you gave me true peace. When I hold your hand, I bare the responsibilty and duty to protect and not letting you get hurt. Life would be nothing without you, you gave me purpose and I accepted it with all my heart. I miss you day and night, it doesn’t matter how much I have to give, as long as I can be with you, that would be the greatest gift.

Wish Upon A Star

I’m sad :’( I really wish we could sit down together, in a quiet and peaceful place at night, talk and share our feelings and stories together, like the first time we went out to the lake. You are the angel of my life, when I looked at you, I felt that god had given me an important task as a guardian to protect you, not letting you get hurt and to make you happy every single day of your life, this was the purpose I was born into this world. I want to face you but I’m afraid, I’m scared that I might say something stupid infront of you and make a fool out of myself, then maybe you might have bad thoughts about me. I’m a person who thinks a lot, you knew that too as I already told before, therefore, I might get jealous really easy. Every move or action of yours means everything to me, you might think that I didn’t notice, but actually I do, it’s just that I don’t want you to feel that you being watched, so I was really alert of every move I make. I realized that you started talking to everybody, not being shy anymore, I was really happy for you but I was wondering what made you changed.

Normally, I would go to the lake at night when I misses you, I would sit down on the spot where we first sat together, listening to the songs in a playlist which is dedicated to you in my phone. The lake reminds me of the memories I had with you and the songs express the feelings I had towards you. Sometimes, my eyes would get wet when I listened to those songs as I felt sad, wishing to know what you are thinking in your mind. Everytime I wondered around the lake, I would text you because I was hoping that you could feel the same way I did during that time. I wished that you could be there with me everytime I was at the lake, I want you to see what I see and listen to what I was listening, feel life the way I felt which is full of wonders and beauty, but yet sad because there was something missing in my life. I usually fell asleep at our memorable place after my long walk around the lake, sometimes I would lie down with my body facing to the sky, starring at the sky and making a wish upon a star. Sometimes I would tell you how beautiful the moon was, it means that I was at the lake that time, enjoying the view of the pretty moon, sometimes I would talk and share my feelings about you to the moon, wishing to get an answer.

 

There are a lot of things that I want you to know but I couldn’t, I really don’t know how to express them to you as some are really complicated and I don’t wish to annoy you or make you feel bad. I really wish to understand you but I couldn’t, I don’t even really understand myself, the way I thought of you, you are different from any other girls, that is what makes you so special which I really couldn’t explain how or why you are so important and precious to me. I would think of you no matter what I do, I just can’t get you out of my mind, maybe is because I misses you too much which I’m so desperate to have you by my side. In fact, you have something really extraordinary that nobody else could ever have, the power of yours is so strong that even smile could brighten up my rainy day. At night, I would think of you a lot before I go to sleep, I would hug my pillow so tight thinking that it was you, I really wish to feel the touch of your hand and I wish that you would never let go of it when we fit our fingers together.

 

Although I’m not with you, but sometimes I might have nightmares that I would be losing you, which I’m really afraid that it could turn into reality. I noticed that there are a few people that are into you, sometimes when you talk or joke around with them, I will feel really sad because I’m afraid that my nightmares would come true, but there is nothing I can do but watch. I really wish to know what exactly am I to you, there are a lot of questions in my mind but I can’t really get to know all of the answers, I just hope that maybe someday, you might provided me all the answers I need without me asking. Hope is a good thing in life, I don’t wish to lose hope but sometimes the more hope you have, the more disappointment you’ll get. No matter what I do until today, I will not lose hope on you as you’re the one who gave me hope at the first place. Thank you for being in my life, I will try my best to do whatever I can to repay you for that :)