First Love Letter

Eunmi.. How can i say this.. I've been wanting to do all of these for quite awhile but the problem is, the time is always not right & i'm really shy towards you. I don't know why but i never expected this feeling towards you, it just came so suddenly without having any idea why, but i can tell you one thing is that i know my feelings are real and deep, i cant keep this to myself forever, so no matter what your choice is, i still have to let it out as keeping things to yourself is really bad.. Maybe you may already have someone in mind, so you will feel that you're being disturbed, annoyed or irritated everytime i approched you, if you do, then i am really sorry, i did try not do it so often, but sometimes i really cant help it, i apologize once more for unable to control myself. To tell you the truth, i concerned about you alot everytime you said that you're sad, maybe you dont realized it but i worried about you all the time. Sometimes, i will ask you questions about your personal life, i really wish that i could understand you more so that i could help, to make you feel calm, happy or sometimes to cheer you up.. Everytime when i have problems, sadness, good news or bad news, the first person that i thought to share it is you, maybe is because i want you to concern more about me or feel happy for me, i really trust you so normally i would tell you alot about myself.. In the night, i would think of you alot before i fall asleep, i really miss you and was hoping to see you quickly the next day, sometimes when i asked how are you or what are you doing, it also means that i miss you, wanting to know were you busy or not so wishing that you could spend time to chat with me. At school, i wont talk to you that much like i did in messages, the reason is i'm really shy and sometimes you dont really reply me in the way like you did in messages, i would misunderstand all the time, thinking that you might be angry at me or something, making me feel so worried and sad all the time. I felt really pityful for you and i sympathize you alot, before i knew you, i thought that my life was the worst, so hopeless, unmeaningful, so bad to thought that god was so unfair to me and all. But when you told me about your life, i started to think that my life is so much better comparing with yours, my problems are not that important anymore, the most important task is to make your life better, i tried to finish my homework early so that i could help you on yours, i tried to cheer you up by giving you chocolate and i want to make friends with your brother to help him in a way to make your life easier. Maybe i am not the guy that you always wanted but at least letting you know all of these could make me feel better and relieved.. I have already said what i have to say, just to give you an idea on how i feel about you and i wish to thank you for taking your time out with me, i'm really happy for that and i appreciate it alot, i did all of these is because i love you Jo Eunmi :)

The Unsend

Eunmi, I really don't know what's happening to me right now.. Life is so different without you around.. I will keep the promise to be fine which I've made. I tried to put a smile on my face whenever I can because I don't want you to worry and blame yourself for everything. Eunmi, it's never your fault to make a decision that you think is best for yourself, this is your life, nobody can really take control of it except for yourself. There are aot of things that I want to do and say to you actually, but my chances to do that are all over, if I have one last day to live, I would give anything to spend my last moments with you. I just want you to know that I was not angry at you, I never did and never will be. No matter what decision you have made, I will always support you with my heart if that's what you really wanted. I wish that you could live a better life without me around, I can no longer look after you in life but I will pray and bless you in a way that I can. I want you to move on in life with no regrets, be confident and always have faith in yourself, life might knock you down sometimes but you have to be strong enough to stand back up, you can do anything if you're not afraid. Lastly, I wish you every happiness in life, hope that you'll find what you're looking for, and I thank you once more for being in my life, I'm sorry for everything, goodbye and farewell Jo Eunmi.

Written on ?? June 2012