First Love Letter

Eunmi.. How can i say this.. I've been wanting to do all of these for quite awhile but the problem is, the time is always not right & i'm really shy towards you. I don't know why but i never expected this feeling towards you, it just came so suddenly without having any idea why, but i can tell you one thing is that i know my feelings are real and deep, i cant keep this to myself forever, so no matter what your choice is, i still have to let it out as keeping things to yourself is really bad.. Maybe you may already have someone in mind, so you will feel that you're being disturbed, annoyed or irritated everytime i approched you, if you do, then i am really sorry, i did try not do it so often, but sometimes i really cant help it, i apologize once more for unable to control myself. To tell you the truth, i concerned about you alot everytime you said that you're sad, maybe you dont realized it but i worried about you all the time. Sometimes, i will ask you questions about your personal life, i really wish that i could understand you more so that i could help, to make you feel calm, happy or sometimes to cheer you up.. Everytime when i have problems, sadness, good news or bad news, the first person that i thought to share it is you, maybe is because i want you to concern more about me or feel happy for me, i really trust you so normally i would tell you alot about myself.. In the night, i would think of you alot before i fall asleep, i really miss you and was hoping to see you quickly the next day, sometimes when i asked how are you or what are you doing, it also means that i miss you, wanting to know were you busy or not so wishing that you could spend time to chat with me. At school, i wont talk to you that much like i did in messages, the reason is i'm really shy and sometimes you dont really reply me in the way like you did in messages, i would misunderstand all the time, thinking that you might be angry at me or something, making me feel so worried and sad all the time. I felt really pityful for you and i sympathize you alot, before i knew you, i thought that my life was the worst, so hopeless, unmeaningful, so bad to thought that god was so unfair to me and all. But when you told me about your life, i started to think that my life is so much better comparing with yours, my problems are not that important anymore, the most important task is to make your life better, i tried to finish my homework early so that i could help you on yours, i tried to cheer you up by giving you chocolate and i want to make friends with your brother to help him in a way to make your life easier. Maybe i am not the guy that you always wanted but at least letting you know all of these could make me feel better and relieved.. I have already said what i have to say, just to give you an idea on how i feel about you and i wish to thank you for taking your time out with me, i'm really happy for that and i appreciate it alot, i did all of these is because i love you Jo Eunmi :)

The Unsend

Eunmi, I really don't know what's happening to me right now.. Life is so different without you around.. I will keep the promise to be fine which I've made. I tried to put a smile on my face whenever I can because I don't want you to worry and blame yourself for everything. Eunmi, it's never your fault to make a decision that you think is best for yourself, this is your life, nobody can really take control of it except for yourself. There are aot of things that I want to do and say to you actually, but my chances to do that are all over, if I have one last day to live, I would give anything to spend my last moments with you. I just want you to know that I was not angry at you, I never did and never will be. No matter what decision you have made, I will always support you with my heart if that's what you really wanted. I wish that you could live a better life without me around, I can no longer look after you in life but I will pray and bless you in a way that I can. I want you to move on in life with no regrets, be confident and always have faith in yourself, life might knock you down sometimes but you have to be strong enough to stand back up, you can do anything if you're not afraid. Lastly, I wish you every happiness in life, hope that you'll find what you're looking for, and I thank you once more for being in my life, I'm sorry for everything, goodbye and farewell Jo Eunmi.

Written on ?? June 2012

L O V E

The reason I loved is not because how you are on the outside. No matter how attractive & pretty you are, you are no different from other any girls out there. It is because I can see something special within you, therefore, you possess the true beauty that i seek. If leaving you is what makes you really happy, i would be glad to do it just for you as it would be the best choice.

No Existence

No matter how much you love, sacrifice and care for her, she will never ever realize all of that and she certainly will not give a shit about you.

False Hope

June 13, Wednesday, working on assignments in school at late night, found out that the angel that I always thought she was, was actually something else, far more than i could ever imagine, but still it was true.

I Am Sorry If I Think Too Much . . .

Miss you ♥

Recently, I started to realize that I’d changed. I didn’t really know the reason why but my personality became so soft and patient, unlike the way I was before. When I stared at you, I could hardly explain the feeling that I was having, I thanked god for bringing such a beautiful soul into my world. When you’re beside me, I could feel the softness and fragility in your heart, in the same time, you gave me true peace. When I hold your hand, I bare the responsibilty and duty to protect and not letting you get hurt. Life would be nothing without you, you gave me purpose and I accepted it with all my heart. I miss you day and night, it doesn’t matter how much I have to give, as long as I can be with you, that would be the greatest gift.

Wish Upon A Star

I’m sad :’( I really wish we could sit down together, in a quiet and peaceful place at night, talk and share our feelings and stories together, like the first time we went out to the lake. You are the angel of my life, when I looked at you, I felt that god had given me an important task as a guardian to protect you, not letting you get hurt and to make you happy every single day of your life, this was the purpose I was born into this world. I want to face you but I’m afraid, I’m scared that I might say something stupid infront of you and make a fool out of myself, then maybe you might have bad thoughts about me. I’m a person who thinks a lot, you knew that too as I already told before, therefore, I might get jealous really easy. Every move or action of yours means everything to me, you might think that I didn’t notice, but actually I do, it’s just that I don’t want you to feel that you being watched, so I was really alert of every move I make. I realized that you started talking to everybody, not being shy anymore, I was really happy for you but I was wondering what made you changed.

Normally, I would go to the lake at night when I misses you, I would sit down on the spot where we first sat together, listening to the songs in a playlist which is dedicated to you in my phone. The lake reminds me of the memories I had with you and the songs express the feelings I had towards you. Sometimes, my eyes would get wet when I listened to those songs as I felt sad, wishing to know what you are thinking in your mind. Everytime I wondered around the lake, I would text you because I was hoping that you could feel the same way I did during that time. I wished that you could be there with me everytime I was at the lake, I want you to see what I see and listen to what I was listening, feel life the way I felt which is full of wonders and beauty, but yet sad because there was something missing in my life. I usually fell asleep at our memorable place after my long walk around the lake, sometimes I would lie down with my body facing to the sky, starring at the sky and making a wish upon a star. Sometimes I would tell you how beautiful the moon was, it means that I was at the lake that time, enjoying the view of the pretty moon, sometimes I would talk and share my feelings about you to the moon, wishing to get an answer.

 

There are a lot of things that I want you to know but I couldn’t, I really don’t know how to express them to you as some are really complicated and I don’t wish to annoy you or make you feel bad. I really wish to understand you but I couldn’t, I don’t even really understand myself, the way I thought of you, you are different from any other girls, that is what makes you so special which I really couldn’t explain how or why you are so important and precious to me. I would think of you no matter what I do, I just can’t get you out of my mind, maybe is because I misses you too much which I’m so desperate to have you by my side. In fact, you have something really extraordinary that nobody else could ever have, the power of yours is so strong that even smile could brighten up my rainy day. At night, I would think of you a lot before I go to sleep, I would hug my pillow so tight thinking that it was you, I really wish to feel the touch of your hand and I wish that you would never let go of it when we fit our fingers together.

 

Although I’m not with you, but sometimes I might have nightmares that I would be losing you, which I’m really afraid that it could turn into reality. I noticed that there are a few people that are into you, sometimes when you talk or joke around with them, I will feel really sad because I’m afraid that my nightmares would come true, but there is nothing I can do but watch. I really wish to know what exactly am I to you, there are a lot of questions in my mind but I can’t really get to know all of the answers, I just hope that maybe someday, you might provided me all the answers I need without me asking. Hope is a good thing in life, I don’t wish to lose hope but sometimes the more hope you have, the more disappointment you’ll get. No matter what I do until today, I will not lose hope on you as you’re the one who gave me hope at the first place. Thank you for being in my life, I will try my best to do whatever I can to repay you for that :)

Life in High School (Part 2)

Form 4:

First day in Chung Ling Private High School, was in form 4, it was like a new beginning of a second chance to be a better person than before, no more games, no more fooling around and only books. Went into class just like that, settled down on an empty seat behind of the class. Saw a new girl just like me as she was new in this class too. I looked at her and she looked at me, both were strangers together in a new world, just like that. Wondered what her name was and curious to know where’s she from, wanted to talk to her but I didn’t as class started not long after I went in. Form teacher introduced herself, she was new in the school too, her name was Wendy Wong and she’s from Sabah. After that, we were ordered to stand up and introduce ourselves to everybody in the class; we took turns to do that. The girl stood up and introduced herself, her name was Lim Jia Rou and her previous school was Penang Chinese Girl’s Private High School, the reason she came here was also the same with mine as she didn’t want to take the private school’s exam (UEC). Suddenly, saw the monitor walked in to the class, a female, looked like a good student, dressed well and assisted the teacher well, gave me a really good impression. After the first two periods was recess, the bell rang and everyone went out of the class except for me, her and some of my classmates. I sat there quietly as I was kind of shy, I looked around the class and I looked at the people around me, then I saw Jia Rou, she was sitting about 2 to 3 rows in front of me and was close to the windows on east side of the class, I guessed she just enjoyed the morning breeze and sunshine. She turned around and looked at me and I looked at her, but she didn’t react, I guessed she was shy too. Jia Rou was a really shy, soft and obedient person judging by her appearance, and her looks was not bad either, many people went to her and tried to be her friend, especially for guys. After a few weeks, a new guy attended the class, I thought he was new but the truth is, he was a student here and the reason he didn’t attend class earlier was because he had chicken pox. He sat together with the class monitor, I thought they were both couples so I asked one of my classmates, the answer was they were just friends. After a while, only then I found out that the guy was actually a girly type, that is why he only hanged out with girls. Day passes by, I started to make friends with my classmates and started to fit in into everyone. After a month, I knew almost everyone except for Jia Rou, we see each other every single day and we never react after seeing each other, we never talked, how weird was that. After some time, a new guy came, his name was Ding Jian, he’s from a high school that I was supposed to be in, which is the high school of my primary school, SMK Chung Hwa Confusion. He talked a lot and he likes to make fun all the time, in a short while, he knew everyone in the class already. He gave me a really bad impression as he took one of my stuffs from my pencil bag without my permission, I didn’t even know him that time and he could just take my stuff like that, his attitude was really bad. But in the end, we became good friends and I don’t know why, he’s a showoff actually, he said he got 6 A’s out of 8 in PMR and was really proud of himself. He told everyone all about his stories and stuffs, saying he had 5 girl friends at a time and saying how good he was in this or that, but I think he just made most of them up by himself. After some time, only then I found out that one of the girl from my mathematics tuition centre was a good friend of his in his previous school, then I asked her a lot about him, but there was one thing which surprised me the most, it was Ding Jian’s previous results, he said he got 6 A’s in PMR but it was a lie, and that time I was so stupid to even believed him. The next day, I made a fool out of him by telling the truth in front of us friends, I think he;s kinda pissed at me, but I didn’t like him that much either, I just hanged out with him all the time but I don’t really trusted him that much. We have fun together with few of our friends every day, like a bunch of monkeys, jumping around and being crazy in class. I started forgetting the determination of being good, then continuously, I became worse and worse as I started ignoring my homework, not listening during class and the worst part is, I started playing online games again, but not as crazy as before, but it still affects my studies and all. I became really bad that time, due to the influence I have among my friends, as they were the only ones which I can enjoy being with, I don’t really feel happy being with my family that time, so I rather be with them which is really a bad thing for me. I started being disrespectful to teachers, I started skipping activities class to go to internet cafes and I started bullying people in class, I was a really crazy kid and was kind of infamous too. After a few months, Ding Jian stopped hanging out with me and started hanging out with another group in class, he thought them skills on how to get a girl as Ding Jian himself was a playboy. He ditched me just like that and every time I asked, he said I’m the one who ditched him and left him alone all the time, I wasn’t really angry when he said that as I didn’t like him that much anyway so no point trying to get him back. But I still remained hanging out with few of the same old friends we used to hang out together, they were all into basketball which I don’t really have any idea what they were talking about, but i won’t feel that I was abandoned as we joke around together all the time, and also we did crazy stuff sometimes. Continuously, my results were bad throughout the year as I didn’t really have that much intension of my studies anymore as it was getting harder and harder which I couldn’t catch up. At the end of the year, the teacher said if the average score of our final exam doesn’t exceed 50%, we will be moved to the second class with the students which have really bad grades. The results was announced in the long term school holiday, some of our classmates are unlucky as they have to be switch to the second class, Ding Jian was one of them as he became worse and fooled around all the time as he mixed with another group in class, he was even crazier than me, I felt sorry for him. My score was actually less than 50%, about 48%+ but I have to remain in the same class as I was a science student which there was about 10 in total, and only the first class had science class so I was excused from being in the second class for that reason, I was lucky. Until that time, I haven’t even spoken a word to Lim Jia Rou throughout the whole year although we were in the same class. During the holidays, I continued playing Maple Story to keep me occupied, if not I would be dead of boredom, and that was the end of form 4.

Form 5:

To be continue….

Life in High School (Part 1)

Form 1:

First day in Phor Tay Private High School, feeling so shy cause in a class full of strangers. Don’t really understand what the teacher talked about, asked one my classmates named Kai Jie, then we became friends. Looked up on my new form teacher, Lye Pei See, liked her very much as she was a responsible and caring type. Looked for school bus services after school with mom, found one but was feeling so uncertain to give it a try as the driver doesn’t really know how to gain the customer’s trust in a way he talked. Started taking the bus after that day, being so shy at first, unexpectedly, I became the crazy kid in the bus. Made a new friend in the bus whose name was Yao Chun, he lived in one of the houses opposite the church near my house, the bus dropped him off at the same place with me. Became friends with two crazy kids in class, Ken Yang and Chu Shen, which I really hoped to be as crazy as them, they were called upon to the headmaster’s office all the time for their reckless actions. They introduced me a game called Maple Story, getting addicted to that game was my first mistake, continuously, starved myself to save pocket money so that I can buy game cards, how stupid was I. There was a time when I finished my breakfast, walking to my class, saw Ken Yang was arguing with a senior, suddenly that guy put a blow on his face and his glasses flew away, Ken Yang became mad with tears dropping off from his eyes, before I can finished the show, I was forced into the class as the teacher for the next class arrived. After that class was teacher Lye’s class, she came in and asked what happened between Ken Yang and that guy earlier in recess, teacher Lye ordered the class monitor to call upon the guy that hit Ken Yang into our class, when the guy came in to the class, the war between the two started again, then teacher Lye became mad and shouted, then the whole scene became still, then she asked for an eye witness to know who started it, I raised my hand up immediately and told her what happened because I wanted to help Ken Yang in winning that war as he was my best friend that time. The discussion with teacher Lye last about half an hour, then the case was closed quickly so that the class could start.

Form 2:

Form 2 was the year I started becoming best friends with a boy called Khang Hwang, he was so anxious in joining us on our adventure, together with him, Ken Yang and Chu Sen, we gone crazy about Maple Story. A singaporean guy named Chun Hui showed up later on, he too joined us in the game, he already played that game before he even came to this school as Maple Story was originally from Singapore. We talked about that game, day and night, used the house phone to call Khang Hwang every day, my family was shocked when the phone bill came out, got scolded so terribly by my family, he too got scolded by his parents cause we took turns to call each other. Later on, there’s a guy called Yeoh Chee Loon joined us, I really hated him because he kept on saying Maple Story was a game for kids but he played it too after that. He started stealing my best friend away from me and started helping him with money and levels in the game, when Ken Yang and Chu Sen were kicked out from the school, I became the abandoned one as Chun Hui also switched into another school . The last day of school before the long term holiday, I was invited to the internet café in Prangin Mall by Khang Hwang after school, was about to contact my mother to tell her not to fetch me up after school but was out of change, being so addicted to the game, forgot to contact my mom. Had so much fun with Khang Hwang in the internet café, kept on adding an hour after an hour. After that, Khang Hwang took me to his parents’ shop in Prangin Mall. Everyone in the shop was shocked when I walked in, immediately his mother grabbed the phone and started dialing, she then passed the phone to me. I took the phone and listen, I heard my mom’s voice and I answered, she started scolding me saying that she’s been looking all over for me, thinking I got kidnapped or something, she told me she waited me outside the school for 20minutes and I never came out, she went into the school and ask for me but no one had any idea where I was or where I’ve been, she went back home and opened my phone’s contact list, calling every number to see if I am with one of the friends in my contact list, but everyone did not have a clue of where I have been except for one guy, he told my mom he saw me went out with Khang Hwang after school. My mom called Khang Hwang’s house phone and told everything to his parents, Khang Hwang didn’t take his phone out either that time so his parents can’t contact his son that time, my mom said she was about to lodge a police report before Khang Hwang’s mom gave her the call that time, then my mom asked dad to fetch me back home from Prangin Mall that time. When I was waiting for my parents, I got scolded terribly by Khang Hwang’s parents, saying how irresponsible I am to do that to my mother, saying how worried my mother was when her child was lost, and continuously, they blamed me for giving bad influence to his son, teaching him bad stuffs and bring him to internet cafes. I was really upset that time, I wasn’t the one who taught him all the bad stuffs, I was the abandoned one, I got blamed for all of Chee Loon’s bad doings, that time Khang Hwang’s grades was so bad and he didn’t want to listen a thing his parents said, that’s why his parents was so mad at me thinking I made his child like that. His father even wanted to beat me up that time but his mother stopped him, then I said to his parents that it was my fault that his son became like this, it was a boy named Chee Loon, then his mother took out her phone and asked for Chee Loon’s number, Khang Hwang said the number out without even looking at his contact list, it was already in his mind, he probably called Chee Loon every day. His mom called and talked to Chee Loon cause she didn’t really believe what I said was true, then Khang Hwang backed me up by telling his parents that it wasn’t my fault, then I told his parents that I wasn’t the one who hanged out with him all the time, it was Chee Loon, only then they believed me. After that, her mom’s phone rang, it was my dad, he asked me to come down to the car as he already reached Prangin Mall, only my brother and father were in the car, I went up without saying a word until I reached home, they headed to some other place after I went down from the car. I rushed to my room with my tears flowing down my cheeks, with the lights and fan off, I locked myself in the room crying, starving myself for the whole day, thinking of suicide. I texted Khang Hwang to tell his parents that I was sorry for everything, I told him I really want to kill myself but he told me he really want to kill his parents. Fell asleep after that, woke up the next morning, came down from the stairs as if nothing happened, mom looked at my face and asked me to eat something, I was not in the mood to do anything, life was so pointless to me that time, why was god so unfair. Khang Hwang called me, I asked what was he doing that time, he told me he was playing Maple Story. I was thinking, what the hell is wrong with him, he acted like nothing happened, I told him I was gonna quit Maple Story and he begged me not too. I felt really sorry for him because he was so addicted to that stupid game which ruined our friendship. But until today, I still think of him as my best friend as I still love him like my own brother.

Form 3:

Started being good friends with another group of the class, Kai Jie’s group. They’re all really fun, gone crazy all the time and joke around with them, and also play other online games with them and started going to internet cafes with them after school. That time, my results were so bad, I started being a really bad person, being disrespectful to teachers, joke around in class, disturbing other students and making fun of them. Always got kicked out of the class, get record into the discipline book and was one of the infamous student in school, not just me actually, it’s the whole bunch of group that I hang out with. Although the ones I hang out with are bad influences for me, but they let me understand what is the true meaning of friendship. We treated each other as brothers, we got into trouble, in the end we all got punished together, no one was left behind, it’s like “we die, we die together”. If there’s a problem, we bare the same awareness, we hold the same responsibilities, we took care of each other.  That time, they were like my family, they understood me and could communicate well with me more than my family could ever will, I think of it as a gift from god to have them as my friends. My family hated them as they gave me so much influence but the truth is, if it’s not for them, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this today, I would have killed myself way before due to too much negative thinking when there’s no one around that could really understand you and talk to you, until I the day met those bunch of crazy people, I appreciate them as if they were my whole life. I told my friends about what happened to me before with Khang Hwang and Chee Loon, they sympathize me for being accused for something I did not do. They helped me and gave me the power to take control over Chee Loon, the guy who had ruined part of my life, we bullied him really badly as we disturbed him, we made fun of him and we pissed him off all the time, but he can’t do anything to us as we’re the “badest” of all, and some of us knew gangsters who have great power in the public, so he couldn’t really do anything to us. Preventing himself from us, he sleeps in class all the time thinking that we won’t do anything while he’s sleeping. At first it worked, but in the end we are still able to disturb him and wake him up from his sleep, his life was so desperate that time, he skipped school for like every day, at least 3-4 days a week, the teacher complained to his parents and consulted him. He put all the blame on us, but actually we’re only half of the reason, the other half was his addiction to online games, skipping school to go to internet cafes and sleeping in class cause lack of sleep due to too much gaming. But it’s still useless for him to talk to the teacher as he’s not that good himself too, before we go against him, he did always slept in class and skipped school, just it became worse after we bullied him. There one who consulted him was the form teacher, and we got a really good advantage as the form teacher are really close to us, so she would trust us more than that pathetic guy, he’s not that honest himself too. Chee Loon was kicked out of the school not long before we graduated, due to too the attendance and performance in class, it was really a pity, but he won’t do well in his final exams either with that type of attitude he’s having, so he just left. At the middle of the year, everybody is getting worried about the final exams that we’re having soon, UEC & PMR. UEC is an exam for private schools which all is in Chinese and PMR is the government exam, but the important one for me is PMR and so I only focused on PMR as I knew my UEC was hopeless.  Me and my friends started to get serious and started studying for exams, we helped each other by teaching each other, and we learned from each other. There was a guy in class name Yu Hong, he is a show off because his English is so good in class but there is still someone who always score better than him in exams, that is me, he think of me as his foe, his aim is to get higher marks in English than me, he studied and focus on English real hard but the marks for every exams we have seem to disappoint him a lot. On the other hand, I didn’t study English but my marks were better, that’s what really pissed him off all the time. I don’t really get it, why did he have to work so hard just to beat me in English, why can’t he just let go and accept that my English is better, why does it always have to be a challenge. My friends really hated him for his anger and goal of winning towards me, so every time the teacher announce the results for English, we would all make fun of him and he would get really pissed off, but it’s really not our fault either for him to get angry, who asked him to take it so seriously and always think of it as a challenge. After the final exams, UEC & PMR, everybody was so relieved, as if we got set free from prison after 10 years, we still have to attend school that time because the schools needed to record the attendance as the holiday haven’t started yet. We really had a lot of fun that time, we go to school without bags and we play cards most of the time in class. We chat, we joke and we go crazy all the time cause we had nothing better to do in school. During the year, I had a crush on a girl in class named Khaw Pei Lynn, I started liking her on a night we chat, I was really upset and depressed about life, she cheered up in her own ways and slowly I just fell for her. We chat all the time in msn, she told me about her life and I told her about mine, but I didn’t tell her I like her, not just yet. She’s a really unique girl, but there’s a problem with her that makes her life so unpleasant, she never told me about it until one day, she didn’t attend class for quite awhile, the teacher told us something about her and asked us not to spread. She had something in her body that can be removed permanently; it was a great thread to her life, the location of it is in the neck. I felt so bad and cried when I got home that day after I found out about it. I tried to seek medication for her, I searched the internet and I asked people all around. Finally, my mom knew some sort of a seed that could cure her illness, but she has to take it every single day and for quite some time. I gave it to her mom and she thanked me for trying to help. I went to her house frequently to talk to her, trying to give her attention and her family knew me very well that time. Her family wasn’t rich, her father went work in China so that he could support his family, their family lived in a flat and owned a small car, their parents have to bare so much to save their daughter from that thread, I sympathized her a lot and I really want to give her care as much as I could. I proposed to her afterwards, that was my first proposal in life. At the end of the year, I made my first proposal in life, unfortunately, she thought of me as a good friend, nothing more than that. Later on, I found out that my best friend, khang hwang, was dating her that time. I was sad, but happy at the same time, sad that I couldn’t get what I want, but happy for them to be together as I love them both so much. Holiday was ending so soon and i have to face her eventually. Few days before school started, I requested something from my mom, which is a change of school. I told her that I was in so much pressure with both the private school exam (UEC) & the government exam (PMR/SPM) because in phor tay private, it is compulsory to take the UEC. I said I only wanted to focus on the government exam as the private school exam is useless for me in the future, I requested to switch into chung ling private high school, which I need not take the private school exams. And so, my mom agreed to switch me  into chung ling private. School holidays were ending so soon, I have only 2-3 days left, me and my mom went to phor tay to settle my documents, my teachers asked why wanted to leave and they were like begging me to stay as I used to be the allocution contest champion for English and Malay in the school. When I was form 1, I can take down all the people in form 1 to form 3 and became champion, and continuously for every year, I joined the allocution contest and won first prize for English every time, but sometimes 2nd or 3rd prize for Malay. I was a really famous allocution contestant in school, every time I went up the stage, people would say “Oh it’s him again, he’s gonna win this time”, my teachers were really proud at me that time, that is why they didn’t want me to leave the school. I felt sorry for them as I already made my decision and I was not going to change my mind, so I just left. There were only 2 days left, my mom and I went to Chung Ling Private for my registration and we encountered a huge problem. The headmaster of Chung Ling private didn’t want to accept me as a student of his school due to my records of bad performance back in Phor Tay Private and my bad results as I scored a D for Chinese language in PMR, which is really bad as me myself is a Chinese. I beg the headmaster to give me a chance as I will perform well and be good in school, I even showed him the award certificate of my allocution contest to make him change his mind. After several times of rejection, I still insisted for him to give me a chance, and my mom helped too, and so he agreed in one condition, in this midyear exam, I must score 70% and above in average, if not, I will get kicked out from the school, I have no choice but to agree with that condition. He also said that the reason he let me in is because of my mother as she was so worried for my education and he didn’t want to disappoint her. That time, I had a determination to perform well and so I decided to end my gaming life once and for all.

Life in Primary School

Standard 1:

Started in the school called SJKC(C) Chung Hwa Confusion (A), was in standard one with teacher Tan Boon Boon as my form teacher. I was described as the most responsive student in class because I was not afraid to ask questions, I raised up my hand immediately when I had something in mind that I don’t understand or I want to ask about. Being so good in my parents’ and teachers’ thoughts, I was actually a naughty type that keeps to myself all the time. Starve to save money so that I can buy some silly toys that I had in mind without letting my parents know about it, friends will often ask me why but I didn’t tell them the truth. In recess, go to the place where students usually wait for their parents after school which is beside the guard house. Pick up some tiny little fruit from some trees which I had no clue about and toss them around like grenades. Then my enemy will usually shows up and starts a grenade tossing battle with me. There was a time when my mom showed up, my enemy wasn’t there, I was just about toss my grenade but I stopped when I saw her. She asked me why wasn’t I eating, I told her that I was helping my school to do a cleanup job, collecting small fruit litter on the ground, she believed me and didn’t bother to ask me a second question. The reason she came was because I forgot to bring my water bottle to school, I took my bottle and asked her to go home immediately so that I can continue doing my “cleanup job”, didn’t realized that she cared for me that much when I was a silly little kid, how stupid was I.

Standard 2:

First day of school, was given some homework during the Chinese session, got punished the next day for not doing my homework, I was so blur that time when the teacher announced what to do for our homework, asked somebody but I still don’t get what she meant. Teacher asked for the submission of our homework on the next day, I told my teacher I don’t know anything about any homework she gave. Later on, got punished with a few strikes on my hand and backside by using a Cain, my brother was called upon in the middle of his class, he got beaten too for my mistake, teacher asked him to look after me, if I don’t pass up any homework again, he will get punished too. My brother checked on me every day to make sure that I did my homework, last about a week.

Standard 3:

Mom kept on telling me to work hard to prepare a government exam called PTS because my brother took it before and said it was hard, but I don’t know why I didn’t have that exam that year.

Standard 4:

There was once when I was sitting in the hall as usual after recess, got hit on the back of the head with a book by a girl that I didn’t know, she apologized because she had mistaken me for one of her friends’ that had a similar view of my head from behind.

Standard 5:

Liked a girl named Wong Jia Wen in the top class, an athlete which represented the school on various competitions, had good grades, a role model and the head prefect of our school. Looked at her all the time but never talked to her, thinking she would looked down on an average person like me who was in the second class. Joined the school’s English allocution contest and won third prize, admired by a few students, even people from the 1st class will approach me to ask about some English questions after exams. Found a RM50 on the floor after school, asked a friend to bring it to the teacher as I was in a hurry back home. Next day, teacher asked me about the money, I said I found it and I asked my friend to bring it to you. After a few days, got called up the stage and was awarded with a Certificate of Honesty, was so surprised that time. One day, saw one of my friends getting bullied by someone another of my classmates, stood up to him and asked: “why, what’s the problem?”, he replied: “how many cars do you have in your house.”, I was thinking, what the hell, he’s rich means he can do whatever he wants? Then I replied: “so what if you have so many cars at home, it’s useless if you have that type of attitude in life.” He then just walked away and I cheered my friend up because he was crying.

Standard 6:

Continued joining English, Malay and Mandarin allocution contests, won back a few prizes too but I can’t remember any of them. Play truant on Saturday activities, played badminton beside the canteen. Got 1st in the class for the last school’s examination but got back a D for my Malay essay paper in the government exam (UPSR), cried after going back home because I can’t proceed to form 1 with that results, had to stay in remove class for one year, sister cheered me up by comparing her results with mine which was even worse than me. Decided to go into private schools , to avoid wasting one year in remove class, had a few choices, elder sister asked me not to go to Han Chiang Private as the students there are bad influences to me and the fees is not affordable to our family that time, Chung Ling Private was also expensive but close to my house, my final decision was Phor Tay Private, had a full scholarship until form 3, the school have Buddhist  teaching sessions for every week which gave my mom a good reason to let his son study there.